


Regrets

by Mixk



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, First Kiss, M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-22
Updated: 2013-06-22
Packaged: 2017-12-15 20:16:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/853627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mixk/pseuds/Mixk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He approaches Danny without thinking, ready to claim what he wants, because what he—no, what they want, they get. That's what Aidan's always told him. To take what he wants, to not care about what people say or think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regrets

Ethan doesn't usually deny himself things that will bring him pleasure, and that's really because of Aidan, mostly. His brother and he have never lacked of anything—save for their parents—always taking what they want. Ethan is always thought to be the more composed out of them both, and while that's true, sometimes he wishes it wasn't the case.

The first time he lays eyes upon Danny, he breaks into an uncontrollable smile, and stares openly at the other boy, who returns his smile with a radiant one. He approaches Danny without thinking, ready to claim what he wants, because what he—no, what  _they_  want, they get. That's what Aidan's always told him. To take what he wants, to not care about what people say or think. Anyone who has ever had anything to say about Ethan's sexual orientation is now either forever traumatized or dead and rotting in a dumpster.

So that's what he does that first time in the library, he goes to Danny with that goal in mind. What he doesn't expect is to find Danny so...intriguing. They end up staying in that library for hours, talking about nothing and everything, and Ethan can't seem to stop listening to Danny speak passionately about whatever subject they've dabbled into. They go on their separate ways almost reluctantly, and the question he's been dying to ask stays on the tip of his tongue. He feels like he's let Danny down when the latter gives him a soft smile right before turning away, the longing evident in his eyes. They both wanted more, but neither of them dared do something about it. It takes Ethan aback, this...prudence, this fear. He's never felt so vulnerable.

He goes home that day with no game to bring with, and he's not as disappointed as he should be. Aidan gives him an inquisitive look, to which Ethan just shrugs. It took him half an hour to calm his heart down before stepping in the house they're staying at, afraid his brother might get suspicious. It's the first slip of control he lets out of his grip, and he never sees the rest coming. Sleep eludes him that night, thoughts of a certain Hawaiian boy with cute dimples keeping him awake.

———————————

Ethan avoids spending more than five minutes with Danny after that first time at the library. He doesn't know why, exactly, but it feels dangerous. They only share a couple of classes together, both of which Ethan spends the entirety of alternating between staring at Danny and daydreaming. There are times when they run into each other in the hallway, and they exchange shy smiles before going their separate ways. After a week of short small talk and smiles that lead nowhere, Ethan breaks and asks for Danny's number. It's the biggest mistake he's made, when he thinks back on it.

Having Danny's number opens the gates of a dam that was barely containing the flood of endless need Ethan had been keeping in. Things get worse from that moment on. 

If he doesn't call Danny, he texts him, and Danny's eagerness to respond tells him his feelings aren't one sided. He still doesn't muster up the courage to ask Danny out on a real date though, and neither does Danny. They keep dancing around each other, and the closest thing to a date they ever are on is lunch at the cafeteria. They don't talk about this, whatever it is they have together. It could very well be a friendship, and from an outsider's point of view, it technically is just that. However, it is much more than that, for both of them, they just never quite sign their names on the dotted line, their trembling hands just hovering over it indefinitely.

"Ugh, just fuck him and get on with it already," Aidan says by the end of the second week, dropping on Ethan's bed to lie down beside him. Ethan moves his phone screen away, and finishes typing up his reply before turning to look at his brother.

"Who says I haven't?" he replies with a challenging tone, daring his brother to claim otherwise. Too bad Aidan has always been able to see through his bullshit. His brother doesn't even bother with a reply, he just gives him a pointed look. Ethan purses his lips into a thin line, and looks away, his grip on his phone tightening as he wills the heavy weight in his chest to go away. It doesn't, and if he's perfectly honest with himself, it hasn't left him alone for the past couple of weeks. A few minutes of silence pass between them before Aidan speaks up.

"What's stopping you, E?"

"I don't know, A," he whispers, squeezing his eyes shut, the voice in his head hissing ' _Liar'_ at him. "I don't know."

"I don't like seeing you like this," Aidan says, his hand squeezing Ethan's arm in a familiar and comforting way. "You're miserable, and happy at the same time."

"I'll be fine," Ethan assures him, forcing a smile as he turns to face his brother, his own reflection. Only Aidan's worried face tells him he's not looking in a mirror, and he wishes it hadn't come to this, to the point where his carefree and wild brother worries about him. Ethan has always done everything in his power to spare Aidan the trouble, to give his brother the chance to lead a happy life.

"Will you?" Aidan questions him, the doubt in his tone loud and clear. "Why do I always have to remind you to let loose and just  _live_ , E? Why do you always have to overanalyze stuff? Just go for it."

"That's the thing, A, I haven't been overanalyzing stuff, nor have I been thinking," Ethan counters, letting out a frustrated sigh. "I just...when things get too serious, I freeze up. Something just stops me, and I don't know what it is."

"It's never happened to you before."

"I know."

"Well, you better snap out of it soon, 'cause in the state you're in, you're not good for much," Aidan pats his shoulder before sitting up. Aidan stops just as he crosses the threshold, turning around to face him. "Do you want me to ask him out for you? Perhaps all you need is to get past that."

"Thanks, but no thanks," Ethan says, trying his best not to cringe openly at the thought of that. "I appreciate it though."

Thankfully, Aidan gives it a rest, and leaves him alone for the rest of the night to brood over the mess his life has become. He's losing himself in this relationship that's never officially started, losing in his own thoughts. And it's starting to scare the hell out of him.

———————————

A few weeks later, nothing has changed between Danny and him, they've reached a fragile status quo that neither of them seem willing to disturb. Ethan's walking to his bike when Danny's voice graces his ears. Looking around, he sees the object his affection across the parking lot, talking to Lydia by his car. Ethan is not above eavesdropping, especially when the conversation is about him.

"So, are you guys dating or what? I see you two hanging out at school all the time, just making googly eyes at each other," Lydia says, and even from this distance, Ethan can see her pouting her lips.

"Googly eyes?" is Danny's response, a cute chuckle escaping his lips.

"You know what I mean, don't try to avoid the question."

"Fine," Danny heaves a sigh. "We're not...officially dating. I mean, I'm almost positive he's into me—"

"But?"

"But...we've never really talked about it? We've never even been on a real date," Danny says, the disappointment evident in his voice. "For all I know, I'm just making stuff up in my head, and he's just being a good friend. It wouldn't be the first time."

"Nonsense," Lydia dismisses Danny's confession like garbage. "Honey, I've seen the way he looks at you. That boy? He wants you. Bad. I'm surprised you two haven't done anything yet."

"Well, you better believe it," Danny heaves another sigh, and Ethan can see him rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Why don't you ask him out?"

"I don't know," Danny says. "If he's actually interested in me, why hasn't he asked me out yet? What if I'm really just imagining things, and I end up making things weird between us?"

"Ugh, you boys."

Ethan stops listening after that, and he can't walk fast enough to his bike, to get away from this school. From Danny. He wants nothing more than to prove Danny wrong, to show him just how much he means to him. But he doesn't, and he has never been more disgusted by his cowardice. On his ride home, with the wind striking him harshly and the thud of his heartbeat in his ears, he realizes in one crystal clear moment just what the hell he's been doing all this time with Danny.

Self preservation.

He's fallen further than he ever has in love, and he's never been more scared than he is now. There are so many things that can go wrong, were he to actually engage in a relationship with Danny, and many of them involve his being a werewolf. Not only that, but Beacon Hills is just another stop on their endless journey across the country, everything and everyone in this town just a temporary life for him. He can't take Danny along with him, it just wouldn't be fair. 

He goes straight to bed when he gets home, crashing face first on the mattress, and he buries his head in his pillow. It hurts worse than anything he's ever felt, this burning desire in his chest that's been consuming his essence for so long now. He knows there will be no going back once he starts dating Danny, and that's why he's been holding himself back all this time, he just didn't know.

He hopes their days here in Beacon Hills are over soon, and curses the town. Why did he have to fall for a human? They were supposed to go through this town to get Derek Hale to join them quickly, and leave. End of story. He makes a mental note to ask his pack first thing tomorrow. 

——————————

On another sleepless night, Ethan goes out for a stroll, and his aimless walk leads him to the school. He walks to the lacrosse field, lit only by the moon high up in the clear dark sky. He's surprised to find someone lying in the middle of the field, limbs spread out in the grass. He recognizes the person by scent before he gets to him, and his heart jumps in his chest as he approaches Danny. 

"Ethan? What are you doing here?" Danny asks as he sits up, wearing nothing but a tee shirt and sweatpants. He looks ridiculously good, Ethan notes, even in the simplest of attire.

"Hey," Ethan says with a soft smile as he sits down beside Danny. "I could return the question right back at you."

"I come here sometimes, when I can't sleep," Danny answers, before lying back down on the grass. "I like looking at the stars."

Ethan joins him, laying his head right next to Danny's, and he turns to look at the latter's profile, mesmerized by his beauty. He looks up at the stars above them, hundreds of bright spots lighting up the endless dark space, soothed by the peaceful silence.

"I couldn't sleep either," Ethan finds himself confessing out of the blue. "I don't know how I found myself here, though."

It is strange, when he thinks about it. What were the odds of him going out tonight, of coming here, meeting Danny? It leaves him wondering. They look at each other for a moment, during which Ethan holds his breath, completely petrified. It doesn't last long, and nothing really happens, they just break eye contact, and look back straight ahead. He can feel Danny's warm body beside him, his hand aching to touch Danny's, but he can't bring himself to move an inch.

"What's keeping you up tonight?" Ethan asks, trying to make small talk.

"Nothing," Danny answers. "Everything."

"That's deep," Ethan can't help but say, and they both let out barks of laughter, Danny punching him in the shoulder.

"Shut up," Danny says, coming down from his fit of laughter. Comfortable silence falls between them again, stretching out for a good few minutes before Danny speaks up. "You know, before you transferred here, my best friend moved out, to freaking London of all places. And while I still have friends at school, and am supposedly 'popular', I still feel...alone, you know?"

Ethan nods, prompting Danny to continue.

"Before high school, I used to be a scrawny guy. Yeah, I was, don't look at me like that. In junior high, I sort of came out, accidentally. I asked Josh Tyler out, and got punched in the face for it. I was ridiculed for that whole year, called the worst names, pushed around, threatened. It was hell."

It hurts Ethan to hear this, his hands squeezed into fists as he pictures Danny being picked on. He can see the pain edged on Danny's face, can hear it in his voice.

"But then Jackson moved into town, and he saved me, literally. He bullied my bullies back, and declared himself my best friend on his very first day at school. He was like a hero to me, he was arrogant, and a jerk sometimes, but for some reason he was nice to me. I'd never felt as helpless and weak as that time before Jackson. So I worked out, took some defense classes, and...I basically let my bullies—my  _fears_ —build the guy that I am today."

A tear runs down Danny's face, and if the story itself wasn't so personal and emotional in itself, that one single tear is proof enough that Danny's opening up to him in ways Ethan suspects he never has before. He can't help feeling jealous of this Jackson guy, but sets his focus on Danny nonetheless, and his hand finally moves to grab Danny's.

"No, Danny," Ethan says, glad to find that his own anger helps steady his voice. " _You_  built yourself,  _you_  found the strength to do something about your bullies, to stand up to them, to become someone everyone's envious of."

Danny looks at him then, adoration in his teary eyes, and it takes Ethan's breath away. Danny looks so vulnerable in that moment, so naked, so  _raw_ , that Ethan feels overwhelmed, at a complete loss as to what to do. He feels so protective of Danny, the wolf in him craving the blood and flesh of everyone who has ever hurt his Danny, and wants nothing but wrap the other boy in his arms.  _Screw it_ , he thinks, and leans forward to capture Danny's lips in a soft kiss, his free hand cupping the latter's cheek.

Danny deepens the kiss, exploring languorously, rolling on top of Ethan and straddling him. It's better than everything Ethan could have possibly imagined—and he has thought about this first kiss a lot—the weight in his chest vanishing instantly, relief washing over him. It feels like home.

"I'm in love with you," the words escape Ethan's mouth in a low murmur when their lips part, his hot breath ghosting over Danny's lips. Danny looks down at him with wide eyes, panting a bit from the kiss, speechless.

"So I wasn't imagining things? I wasn't going insane—"

"No, you weren't," Ethan cuts him off, bringing his hands up to frame Danny's face, his thumbs stroking smooth circles into Danny's cheeks. "I just...I've never felt this way before, and I'm utterly scared to death."

"What, you don't think I am?" 

"You look much stronger than you give yourself credit for, Danny," Ethan says, smiling fondly at the boy hovering above him.

"You should've said something," Danny whispers, looking away from him.

"I'm sorry," Ethan whispers back, and has never meant those words more than he does now. Danny's gaze travels back to him, and for the longest time they just stay like this, staring into each other's eyes.

"What happens now?"

"I don't know," Ethan replies, and he really doesn't know. As much as he wants to be with Danny, he knows it will destroy him when the time to leave comes. 

"You don't want to be with me," Danny says, rolling off of Ethan to lie back down. 

"That's the problem," Ethan worries over his bottom lip, missing the warmth of Danny's body. "There's nothing I want more than that."

"How is that a problem?"

"I'm not here to stay, Danny," Ethan answers him, thinking Danny deserves to know the truth. Part of it, at least. "My family and I...we're going to leave eventually. It's only a matter of when."

Danny doesn't say anything for a while, probably processing that piece of information, thinking it over. It's a torture, waiting for Danny to say something— _anything_ —wondering just what is going in that head of his.

"I don't care," Danny finally speaks up, and turns to look at him, taking Ethan's hand in his. "I don't care that you're leaving. I'd rather have you, for however long I can, than not have you at all."

"Are you sure?" Ethan asks, hope creeping in his voice, heart jumping wildly against his chest. 

"Better to regret something you've done, than to regret something you wish you had done," Danny says, determined and serious. It's the wisest thing Ethan has ever heard, and it just makes sense, sums up their situation perfectly.

He stops thinking then, and just goes for it, answering Danny with another kiss. Danny's right. There's no reason for the both of them to be miserable and suffer in silence, when they could enjoy this while it lasts. They will cross that bridge when they get to it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really glad with how this fic turned out. Inspiration hit me like, woah, and I just had to get to writing. I didn't have any specific ideas in mind, I could've written anything, but decided to write Dethan. J. Davis mentioned Danny sharing a personal story with Ethan, and I'm glad I could work that scene in this fic. Danny's story is my personal headcanon for him. I hope you've enjoyed this story, please let me know what you think!


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